So I was outside mowing the lawn,  The weather was nice at 6pm.  Sunshine, good amount of clouds in the sky, and a very nice breeze.  As I'm mowing, I make way to the fence in our backyard.  In the corner meeting our neighbors tool shed, I noticed an object wriggling in the grass near the lawnmower.  It was black.  Slithery.  Slimy.  It was a mother fucking snake.  Looked like a Gardner Snake.  Ever since I was bit by a Gardner Snake when I was a child in Portland, I've had a fear of them.  Without even thinking, this, blood lust just over takes me, I literally scream "FUCK YOU" in the our back yard and I run the guy over, and just shake the lawn mower on top of him for several seconds, angrily growling and screaming the entire time.  I turn off the mower, take several deep breaths to compose myself, and step inside to cool off.  After a couple of minutes, I step back outside and our slimy friend is nowhere to be seen.  I checked under the mower and there is not a trace of him.  I'm not sure if he was dead or he just slithered away.  I didn't care, he was gone.  But never the less, I continued mowing for a little while longer, just watching my feet, ready to administer whatever sort of carnage I could deliver onto him should he be foolish enough to come back.

I really don't like snakes.  At all.  I can handle it if a friend owns a snake and keeps it caged up.  I can even handle it if a friend is holding the snake.  But when a snake catches me by surprise...  I just loose it.  I want it DEAD.  I normally love animals of all types, but when it comes to snakes...  *sigh*  I know we all have fears and I know that we all handle them differently, but I really wish I had better control over myself with certain things....

Again, I find myself in a situation where I am unsure of what to do...  Well, I shouldn't really say I'm involved, I think I'm watching a very, very bad situation unfold between three of my friends and I'm not really sure as of how to handle it.  Should I let a potentially nasty situation occur, or should I step in and do what I feel is right??

Here's what's happening.  I will refer to these three people as Person A, Person B, and Person C.

I'm actually satisfied with that answer.  By declining my offer to spend time together tomorrow, you've shown me that instead of looking to someone else to for self actualization, you're now looking within yourself, whether you realize it or not.  Good job beautiful. :) 

 Well, I guess I have become a much stronger person...  Some things are painful and hard to swallow, but instead of wallowing in my own self pity, I've chosen to make myself more busy so as to keep my mind off of things.

Seems to be helping, as I've distracted myself from the pain.

Better stay busy for a while...

 Earlier in the evening, my good friend Jeanine Lopett hosted a Winter Solstice Yule Party.  Good food, good drinks, spirits were high for everybody. ^_^

I actually arrived a half hour late, however I was only the second one there as Autumn arrived first.  Being the good Irish boy I am, I helped to make the Irish potatoes and they were delicious.  I brought a bottle of the holiday wine that I love and Jeanine liked it so much, that I just let her keep the bottle.  I can make plenty more anytime if I want some. ^_^  At one point, an acquaintance of Jeanine's showed up that had two children, one boy and one girl.  The girl seemed to be fairly respectful for her age, however the boy... ugh.  I love Duplica and Camille, they are very intelligent and very friendly children.  But, ugh.  This boy he just opened up the refrigerator without asking, butted into everything, just an annoying kid.  And his parents kept on going out to smoke, so they were moments where he was unsupervised.  Oh well, they left pretty early so after a while things got better.  Oh, I won a game of Clue and got a dog calender! :3

It was also really nice to see my friends Autumn and Amanda again.  I remember when I first met Autumn, I was really, really attracted to her.  She's very beautiful, has a great sense of humor, down to earth, intelligent, pretty much everything I look for in a woman.  I was a little crushed when I learned that was in a serious relationship, but after meeting Michael today, I'm glad she's found him.  He's a nice guy, definitely good for her.  Autumn and I are good friends, and she and Michael are good together.  And with my current love crisis, as I'll call it since I regret not saying anything, I'm glad that she's dating someone who'll at least be attentive to her needs.

 A friend of mine shot me a text message reminding about the lunar eclipse.  Naturally, I took it upon myself to step outside and take a look at the moon.

I REALLY wish I had a telescope, or at least a pair of binoculars.  That moon was KICK ASS.  Not to mention, red is my favorite color. ;D

And, I suppose I should remind myself about tonight...

My friends Ian and Krystal, who are now happily married, both have birthdays in December and decided to have a joint party for their birthdays tonight.  I was more than happy to provide beer, bitch beer, and some extra food for the party.  We watched that newish Disney frog price movie, couldn't really get into it.  But eventually we watched IT Crowd, which is hilarious, and another show which I actually forgot the title of, but I laughed super hard at it. xD  Good night, good crowd, but... she showed up.

Really, nothing against her.  I don't hate her at all.  It's myself that I hate.  I hate myself for not telling her how I feel because now I'm uncertain as to how things may have turned out.  Even if things didn't turn out in my favor, at least I would have known where I stood and I wouldn't feel like my feelings will always be unresolved.  Of course, I told a pseudo lie and said that I had to leave early because I had to prepare a dish for another friend's winter solstice party.  Yes, I do have to prepare something, but it's nothing super hard or time consuming and quite frankly won't be working on it until later.  I left because I hate myself a little more each time I'm around her, or when they're together.

Whatever.  It's what I get.  It's my punishment.

 So as I was sitting in my office chair playing a most enjoyable game of Dark Stalkers, I stumble upon my old LJ account.  I'm like "Oh lawdy, this is ancient!"  So wanting to reflect on past memories, I go through all of my old posts.  It's interesting to look at your past self and compare it with your current self.  Somethings on there made me laugh at good memories, but I looked at others and realized that I had some really immature moments.

Being younger isn't an excuse.  I was an ass.

My current roommate and I used to date quite a few years ago.  Twice, actually.  Our first breakup was perfectly mutual; we barely even saw each other due to us both being young and confined to our parents houses.  But, we both thought that we were cool people so we stayed friends.  New Years of 2004-2005 we see each other and decide that we should try again.  Things go well for a few months and then AO happens and we have a falling out over her going to Carl's Jr then straight back to Pocatello instead of saying bye to me.  If it was me today, I would have had a talk with her over it instead of just blowing up and going "OMFG we're like, SOOOOOO done! Oh my gawwwwwwwwwwwwwd!"  I broke it off and called her selfish.  Hypocritical, no?

That in itself was pretty immature and impulsive, but what I really feel was immature was that I made this HUGE post about it on LJ saying how much of a selfish bitch she was, used her name on a public post, the works man.  We worked out our differences years ago and I now consider her to be one of my best friends in the whole world.  Still though, if given the opportunity, the ONE thing that I would do differently from that is not put that post on LJ.  It may be water under the bridge, but I digress...

Now, there is one thing that I REALLY wanna get back from my old self...

My mother fucking SPUNK!!!!!!

What the HELL happened to it?!!

I mean, I know I've grown up and everything, but must I lose one of my only redeeming characteristics??!!  HELL NO I SHOULDN'T!!!  >:U

I was having a conversation with an old friend on Facebook quite some time ago, and she mentioned that while I've changed and matured, I've lost something important.  She couldn't quite put her finger on it.  But, now I know EXACTLY what is.  My SPUNK is my MOJO for fucks sakes!!

So yeah.  New years resolution for 2011.  Get my mojo back, baby!

 Wow, it's been about two years since I posted on LiveJournal.  Honestly, I kind of miss it.  I've been on Facebook a lot lately, and while it's nice seeing so many familiar faces on there and so much going on at one time, I sort of miss that close knit feeling of LJ.

I suppose the last two years have been most interesting, to say the least.  I've grown a lot as a person, gotten more resilient to emotional matters of the heart, made a few decisions that I wish I hadn't, have learned who to trust and who not to.  I guess, I feel more my age now.  I had a rather nice birthday.  Saw Tron Legacy which I throughly enjoyed on Thursday night, went to Old Chicago Friday night with my family, and played pool with some friends of mine on Saturday night.  My wonderful roommate and I held a Christmas party the weekend of December 10th that was a smashing success.  It was so crazy that I lost my glasses for a week and our cat was lost for a day.  Clearly, both were recovered, but I digress...

And yes, since I mentioned to myself the last two years, I feel I should reflect on that.

2009 was a year of discovering who I can trust and not trust.  In the end of 2008, an ex-friend and I made an unspoken agreement to permanently stop speaking with one another (basically we had a falling out decided that we hate each others' guts).  There was a thin, silent, but steady peace between us for the sake of not causing drama for other people.  But as 2009 progressed, this individual chose to act more and more outspoken about our differences and I chose to act less and less outspoken.  Eventually hot, scalding coffee was intentionally spilled on my back and we had another conflict at a mutual friend's dwelling.  Since many people were present at the time, it was quickly deescalated and ever since that time, this person has avoided making another immature act towards me.  She is out of my life, I am out of her life.  If we so happen to run into each other in a public setting, ignorance of the other party has again been established as the proper behavior.  THANK GOD FOR LESS BULL SHIT.

2009 was also the year I lost my job at Wal-Mart.  I would have thought that it would open a door to something that provides more opportunity, but alas I got stuck with a commission job attempting to sell a petty excuse for wireless internet (Clearwire.)  Because Clearwire (now known as Clear) already had an established reputation as shitty internet, I got more doors slammed in my face than the number of years I have lived.  Christian had the privilege of partaking in this sales farce with me.  Our boss was a really fun guy to hang with, but the only people you're selling this internet to are people who either a) want internet but can't afford the good stuff.  b) Poor souls who just don't know any better.  Or c) Old people that only use internet to check their e-mail and other simple activities.  And our desired metric was rich families who lived in snooty neighborhoods.  Sorry bud, not happening.  I got decent exercise out of it, but that's really it.  So there ya go, now I know not to trust people who don't promise you some form of salary to begin with.

In the fall of '09, I had the good luck of scoring a job with an outsourced company known as Teleperformance.  The project I worked on: Customer Service for AT&T.  Benefits package was a joke, but the pay was pretty good.  I was able to afford a number of trips to Utah, a number of conventions, good guitar equipment, an Xbox 360, a Rush concert, booze whenever I desired it, a Motorola Droid, a gym membership, and whatever else I felt like indulging in while still being able to stay on top of my bills.  My duties: Bill and technical troubleshooting.  Bill troubleshooting was a bitch, but I REALLY enjoyed the technical troubleshooting.

Naturally, 2009 ended and 2010 began.  2010 has been a year of self discovery thus far.  I have made one decision that I'm very glad I made, but one decision that I regret.

Anime Oasis had it's first year at the Grove Hotel.  Was fun, but Ichidan had a performance in a new venue in an arena.  And one that's not theater friendly, at that.  Our performance for opening ceremonies went off without a hitch, but our main performance had MANY technical difficulties that were quite costly.  Luckily, I hear that Cowboy Bebop is doing well, so I'm hoping that show can used as a crutch to fall back on next AO.

I also had the joy of seeing my favorite band live, Rush.  It was breath taking, to say the least.  Seeing ones' most important musical inspiration live is a speechless experience.  Even though Alex Lifeson is pushing 60, he stills plays his axe as though it was 1978 and all three play with the same work ethic that they always have.  They'll be putting on shows for at least another five years with that same energy.

Sadly though, shortly after the Rush concert, I lost my job at Teleperformance.  Long story short, I scored badly on a call that really should have been handled by AT&T DSL and not Mobility. My supervisor and the call center manager felt I should still have a job there, but AT&T said no and to can me.  They didn't have a choice.  So, instead of being pissed off, I used that opportunity to make a choice that I'm glad I made.  I re-enrolled for college.  I'm starting next year at the College of Western Idaho.  I will be getting my associates degree in applied science with an emphasis in electronics technology.  I'm done working only meager or decent paying jobs where I'm not completely satisfied.  I want a career in a field I love.  I'm 26 now.  Time I grew up.  I now know that growing up doesn't mean you have to lose your passion.  It just means taking responsibility for your actions.

And hell, I found a new job only three weeks after I lost my AT&T job.  Now, I'm working a shitty job for Proactiv Solution.  And while it really does suck, I really should be grateful for having a job.  But, I know it's just a stepping stone for getting to where I need to be.  I've been there since October, it's stupidly easy.  My hiring manager told me I might be too smart to work there, and most of my friends are more intelligent than I am.  There are days where I sometimes feel dumber working there.  But it won't last forever.  Just gotta keep my head up.

As stated earlier, my roommate and I had a very successful Christmas party.  Well, a friend of mine that I've always felt an attraction for was there and she had just gotten out of a very stoic relationship with her now ex-boyfriend.  We both had a lot to drink and ended up spending the night together in my room.  Well, I told her I loved her and after we were done she had told me the same thing.  I fell asleep and woke up to find her cuddling with one of my best friends.  She had told me the night before that she was also attracted to him.  He, however, is unable to return the feelings.  I wanted to sit down, talk to her, and at the very least properly express my feelings to her.  But, I didn't.  And that's the decision that I regret.  I should have sat her down, told her exactly how I feel about her.  After a week of being single, she found another boyfriend already but at least I could have said something.  In a way, I feel a little used, but maybe she felt the same way after we spent the night together?  I really don't know, but I made the decision, I have to live with it.  2011 will have a lot going on for me, and I have to take this experience and learn from it.  I won't have time to brood over things that have already happened.

And now, here I am.  Sadly, working at two call centers caused me to gain some weight.  I went from 150 lbs to 180 lbs in a little over a year.  I had a gym membership while working at Teleperformance, and had a lot of motivation to lift weights, but hardly any for cardio.  It's been roughly 5 months since I've gone to that gym.  Luckily, my roommate is nice enough to provide her metal DDR pads, so for the past month I have been using that for exercise.  I have gone from 180 lbs to 175 lbs.  I hope to be at 150 lbs by Anime Oasis and would feel comfortable at 140 lbs by Fandemonium.  And I would like to maintain a weight of 140lbs afterwards.

Well, those are the major events in my life that have happened in my life the past two years.  I'm going to do my very best in school during 2011, and plan on meeting my goals for my weight loss.